I don’t feel as cheated as I’m amused : Urmila Matondkar
 

                   Her career may be on ebb at the moment with a lot of flops behind
                   her, but if Urmila is fazed by the prospect, it doesn't show… Despite
                   the crests and troughs of her career, Urmila claims, she maintains a
                   level head because she is strong… It’s her sixth take for an emotional
                   scene and if she’s irritated with her costar for mucking up, she hides it
                   well. In one of her rare introspective moods, here's an attempt to read
                   into her mind and reconstruct her through her own words…
 
 

                   As you give this interview, what is your present state of mind? Are
                   you happy
                   with the way things are going—both professionally and personally?

                   (Smiles) Things couldn’t have been better! But they have always been great because I have
                   never done anything that I don’t enjoy. Whether it was choosing films as a career, doing the
                   kind of movies I have done…everything is because
                   I wanted it. So there’s no regret or rancor about anything.

                   Do you look at films only as an artistic pursuit or is it as much a commercial prospect?

                   For me films have always been an artistic pursuit. Money is extremely important to me but I
                   cannot do something that makes me unhappy. Even if it brings in loads of money. After
                   Rangeela and Daud I was offered films with ridiculous amounts of money but I didn’t accept
                   them. On the other hand, people felt my role in Satya was small in terms of footage but I did
                   it because I thought it would be interesting to perform in a film where I was not in the
                   foreground. Like Jackie in Rangeela. I feel it’s time for artistes to start looking at films on the
                   whole and not just their roles, because filmmakers are already moving away from the regular
                   stereotypes.

                   There is a great deal of debate over how much intelligence is required to portray women
                   characters in Hindi films. What are your views on the subject?

                   (Laughs) I definitely feel you require intelligence to play characters in Hindi films but I have
                   also seen artistes who come up with incredible performances on screen and are complete let
                   downs as people. I think you require a certain amount of native intelligence to perceive,
                   understand and reenact your observations through your characters.

                   You come across as intelligent and well read off screen but somehow this quality is seldom
                   translated in your roles or even in most of your interviews. Do you agree?

                   (Smiles) I agree with you completely. But there are two reasons for this. Firstly films in India
                   portray only black or white characters, there are no in between shades. This makes artistes
                   very lazy and frightened to portray characters that force them to venture into the grey areas.
                   But we do that in our everyday life so many times in a day. So why get scared to face them
                   for the camera? I think that’s where your intelligence comes in…the ability to seek answers
                   and experiment with unknown areas. Since I’m not judgmental as a person I don’t judge my
                   characters and so I’m able to play characters like Jahnvi (in Judai) with conviction…

                   Show biz has a strange quality where it forces one to camouflage one’s original qualities. Are
                   you comfortable doing it?

                   (Thinks a while) I’m quite comfortable doing it because the basic need of my profession is to
                   be someone else all the time. So there’s no escape from that. But I don’t project any change
                   that goes against my basic fabric. I’m very sure of myself as a person. There’s a clear
                   demarcation in my mind between what I am as a person and what I love to project. I have
                   never compromised on my conviction to project anything and that’s my strength. I know I
                   have reached a position keeping a lot of my beliefs intact so no matter what I want to project
                   I’ll never tamper with them.

                   You don’t have too many friends within the film industry. Is it because you stonewall people
                   who make attempts to befriend you? Although you are polite and cordial there’s definitely a
                   signal in your demeanor that says `lay off’. Is this deliberate?

                   It’s largely true that I don’t have friends in films but that’s not been deliberate. I just feel it’s
                   very difficult to make and maintain friendships
                   here because of the lack of time to lace your relationships.
                   Besides I’m not over friendly as a person. So even if I know
                   someone intimately I don’t feel the need to express it loudly.
                   Apart from all this I’m quite happy being with my family and
                   myself. I derive a lot of security from my family.

                   Rumor, speculations, politics are the pitfalls of your profession.
                   But stars stop being affected by them as years pass by. Do
                   you think it’s a positive growth to be desensitized?

                   I think it’s positive and I’m speaking from my own experience. I
                   did not come  from a film background and didn’t fit into its
                   norms. I never have. Even today there are situations where I
                   don’t know how to go about certain things. Fortunately my
                   basic personality is strong. I am not affected adversely by
                   most things in life. I look at life as an amusement park. Most
                   things that affect people amuse me. Besides I don’t react to
                   rumors because I don’t react to anything in reflex. I need time
                   to mull over. So I guess it comes across as being desensitized.

                   Unlike a Karisma, Manisha or Kajol your acting prowess has
                   never been focussed on. Even Rangeela, your turning point,
                   stressed more on your glamour. Do you
                   feel cheated when you think about it?

                   I don’t feel as cheated as I’m amused. I think this has got largely to do with the media. And I
                   don’t blame them. They have written me off so many times earlier that it is difficult for them
                   to eat their words after Rangeela. So they keep finding excuses for my success. Even today
                   they say I make too many faces or whatever. But it doesn’t bother me. I have come to realize
                   that most people are biased in this world. I believe that an artiste is either good or bad. No
                   awards or rewards are necessary to prove his or her potential. This is not to say that I turn
                   away from all criticism with this logic. Criticism does matter but only at times. I don’t feel
                   cheated because I’m in complete control of my life. I know where I’m heading and what I’m
                   doing…
 

                   Marriage, children, family is basic concepts, integral to traditional backgrounds. But your
                   profession hampers the chances of finding a man who’ll set aside your aura as an actress and
                   connect to you as a person. Are you scared of this?

                   I think it would be presumptuous on my part to speak about a situation in my life, which I
                   haven’t reached. But I don’t think it has anything to do with my being an actress. Whoever I
                   marry will have to connect with me as a person at the first instant. My being an actress
                   should never come into the picture. In any case marrying the right man has nothing to do with
                   your profession. I’m sure it will happen when it has to. Some marry at 20, some at 28 and
                   some others at 38…I don’t think there’s any right time for marriage. It will happen when it has
                   to…