I don’t feel as cheated as I’m amused : Urmila
Matondkar
Her career may be on ebb at the moment with a lot of flops behind
her, but if Urmila is fazed by the prospect, it doesn't show… Despite
the crests and troughs of her career, Urmila claims, she maintains a
level head because she is strong… It’s her sixth take for an emotional
scene and if she’s irritated with her costar for mucking up, she hides
it
well. In one of her rare introspective moods, here's an attempt to read
into her mind and reconstruct her through her own words…
As you give this interview, what is your present state of mind? Are
you happy
with the way things are going—both professionally and personally?
(Smiles) Things couldn’t have been better! But they have always been great
because I have
never done anything that I don’t enjoy. Whether it was choosing films as
a career, doing the
kind of movies I have done…everything is because
I wanted it. So there’s no regret or rancor about anything.
Do you look at films only as an artistic pursuit or is it as much a commercial prospect?
For me films have always been an artistic pursuit. Money is extremely important
to me but I
cannot do something that makes me unhappy. Even if it brings in loads of
money. After
Rangeela and Daud I was offered films with ridiculous amounts of money
but I didn’t accept
them. On the other hand, people felt my role in Satya was small in terms
of footage but I did
it because I thought it would be interesting to perform in a film where
I was not in the
foreground. Like Jackie in Rangeela. I feel it’s time for artistes to start
looking at films on the
whole and not just their roles, because filmmakers are already moving away
from the regular
stereotypes.
There is a great deal of debate over how much intelligence is required
to portray women
characters in Hindi films. What are your views on the subject?
(Laughs) I definitely feel you require intelligence to play characters
in Hindi films but I have
also seen artistes who come up with incredible performances on screen and
are complete let
downs as people. I think you require a certain amount of native intelligence
to perceive,
understand and reenact your observations through your characters.
You come across as intelligent and well read off screen but somehow this
quality is seldom
translated in your roles or even in most of your interviews. Do you agree?
(Smiles) I agree with you completely. But there are two reasons for this.
Firstly films in India
portray only black or white characters, there are no in between shades.
This makes artistes
very lazy and frightened to portray characters that force them to venture
into the grey areas.
But we do that in our everyday life so many times in a day. So why get
scared to face them
for the camera? I think that’s where your intelligence comes in…the ability
to seek answers
and experiment with unknown areas. Since I’m not judgmental as a person
I don’t judge my
characters and so I’m able to play characters like Jahnvi (in Judai) with
conviction…
Show biz has a strange quality where it forces one to camouflage one’s
original qualities. Are
you comfortable doing it?
(Thinks a while) I’m quite comfortable doing it because the basic need
of my profession is to
be someone else all the time. So there’s no escape from that. But I don’t
project any change
that goes against my basic fabric. I’m very sure of myself as a person.
There’s a clear
demarcation in my mind between what I am as a person and what I love to
project. I have
never compromised on my conviction to project anything and that’s my strength.
I know I
have reached a position keeping a lot of my beliefs intact so no matter
what I want to project
I’ll never tamper with them.
You don’t have too many friends within the film industry. Is it because
you stonewall people
who make attempts to befriend you? Although you are polite and cordial
there’s definitely a
signal in your demeanor that says `lay off’. Is this deliberate?
It’s largely true that I don’t have friends in films but that’s not been
deliberate. I just feel it’s
very difficult to make and maintain friendships
here because of the lack of time to lace your relationships.
Besides I’m not over friendly as a person. So even if I know
someone intimately I don’t feel the need to express it loudly.
Apart from all this I’m quite happy being with my family and
myself. I derive a lot of security from my family.
Rumor, speculations, politics are the pitfalls of your profession.
But stars stop being affected by them as years pass by. Do
you think it’s a positive growth to be desensitized?
I think it’s positive and I’m speaking from my own experience. I
did not come from a film background and didn’t fit into its
norms. I never have. Even today there are situations where I
don’t know how to go about certain things. Fortunately my
basic personality is strong. I am not affected adversely by
most things in life. I look at life as an amusement park. Most
things that affect people amuse me. Besides I don’t react to
rumors because I don’t react to anything in reflex. I need time
to mull over. So I guess it comes across as being desensitized.
Unlike a Karisma, Manisha or Kajol your acting prowess has
never been focussed on. Even Rangeela, your turning point,
stressed more on your glamour. Do you
feel cheated when you think about it?
I don’t feel as cheated as I’m amused. I think this has got largely to
do with the media. And I
don’t blame them. They have written me off so many times earlier that it
is difficult for them
to eat their words after Rangeela. So they keep finding excuses for my
success. Even today
they say I make too many faces or whatever. But it doesn’t bother me. I
have come to realize
that most people are biased in this world. I believe that an artiste is
either good or bad. No
awards or rewards are necessary to prove his or her potential. This is
not to say that I turn
away from all criticism with this logic. Criticism does matter but only
at times. I don’t feel
cheated because I’m in complete control of my life. I know where I’m heading
and what I’m
doing…
Marriage, children, family is basic concepts, integral to traditional backgrounds.
But your
profession hampers the chances of finding a man who’ll set aside your aura
as an actress and
connect to you as a person. Are you scared of this?
I think it would be presumptuous on my part to speak about a situation
in my life, which I
haven’t reached. But I don’t think it has anything to do with my being
an actress. Whoever I
marry will have to connect with me as a person at the first instant. My
being an actress
should never come into the picture. In any case marrying the right man
has nothing to do with
your profession. I’m sure it will happen when it has to. Some marry at
20, some at 28 and
some others at 38…I don’t think there’s any right time for marriage. It
will happen when it has
to…